Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here

Yesterday, I discovered the answer to that age-old question: What’s destroying my yard – moles or voles? Turns out, its moles. And how did I determine this, you ask? Its all thanks to Duncan and his mole-killing abilities. Yep, that’s right. He killed a mole.

As I was making my usual morning rounds of the yard, I saw something odd in one of the dirt piles formerly known as mole/vole tunnels. I’ve been encouraging Duncan to dig up the tunnels, and he’s taken on that task with a vengeance. He’s very smart about it, though – he doesn’t dig old tunnels, only the new ones with a fresh odor. And he hasn’t decided that my approval of this digging means he can dig randomly in the yard; he’s very particular about where he digs. So, I spotted this gray lump in one of the new dig sites, and after I realized it wasn’t a piece of mulch or bark, I got my poop shovel and scooped it up. It was definitely a mole, about 6 inches long. There were no visible wounds, so Duncan didn’t bite it. My guess is that he was digging at the tunnel and either accidentally crushed/smothered it, or he managed to get it to the surface and as it tried to scurry away he stepped on it or pawed it, breaking its spine. Either way, it was very dead. I called him over and showed it to him, and told my killer beast what an excellent dog he was. He gave me an “aw, shucks” look, and then started sniffing at the tunnels again. Reyna came over to check out the commotion, but since no one was throwing her ball, she wasn’t very interested. For a brief moment, I contemplated staking the carcass on the outside of the fence as a warning, but I figured that wouldn’t work, since the moles aren’t likely to come above ground to see it. So, I tossed it over the fence into the woods. With any luck, Duncan will kill more of them, or someone in Moletown will realize that Bubba Mole went missing in our yard, and word will spread to all the other moles that its not safe in there and that they should just move on. Like back to my neighbor’s yard. He’s apparently had them in his yard for five years, and he doesn’t seem to care.

Good dog, Duncan.